Tuesday, 15 January 2013

I'm A Hero, Megan

“Anyone who does anything to help a child in his life is a hero to me. ”
-Fred Rogers

Day Three

  I go to bed around !:30 and at 2:30 Reagan is crying . I give her 5 minutes to settle down and then I go in, just because of her being sick last night. I enter her room to find her standing. So, I pick her up and take her to my room and lay her down beside me. After kicking me for 10 minutes she settled down and went to sleep. The next thing I know it's 6:30 and she is awake. Damn. I forgot to take her back to her room. I am screwed. Now she is trying to get off the bed! What is she doing? It's dark not tint to party. I grab her and haul her back onto bed. After a restless half an hour of being kicked and punched we finally get up. Yah! We eat breakfast, which I never do, but because I have low blood sugar it looks like frosted mini wheats for Reagan and I. At eight I go upstairs to the bathroom. I can hear the cat thumping around and Reagan giggling. So she is either chasing Hank or being chased. Either one it sounds like great fun. Coming downstairs I notice that the carpet runner is upside down. I wonder how she did that? I went into the kitchen then the living room to put away the iPad before fixing the rug. On the way through the kitchen the floor was gritty and then on in to the living room. What? Oh, no. She was dragging the carpet between the front door and on into the living room. This is what made her laugh. the cat was chasing her anther carpet. Apparently 10 feet long by almost 2 feet wide carpets hold a lot of dirt and they are really easy to clean up when the cat lays down in the swept up piles.

  After sweeping up the dirt and chasing the cat with the broom, I took a break in the front room. Mothers know this well. You can't take a break without children sniffing out that weakness. So enter Reagan. " Daddy." Hmmm...? This must of been a mistake. 5 minutes later it was "Mommy."
"Nope. Daddy."
"Hi, Daddy." As if to say, oh, hi. When did you get here, Daddy.
I sighed and left the room.

  A couple of hours later she had found a new thing or things to play with. Rustling came from the pantry. It sounded like paper, dry paper. Investigating I discovered that she had found a bag of onions. She was taking them out of the bag and peeling some of the layers. In the time it took me to cross the kitchen to get the broom she had packed the onions up and was carrying then across the floor. Reagan has had a new obsession with carrying things around. Like iPad's and drinks people have left on the coffee table. As she was running little flakes were falling out and she noticed. "Mess! Mess!
"Yah, I know. I see it."
"Mess! Mess!" And she pointed at it.
"I see it! And besides you are the one creating the mess!" Seeing the mess cleaned up she took off. Probably to start some fires.

  While she napped I put some drywall anchors in and some hooks. By the way Keanan was there most of the time, but he is well behaved compared to the pay-attention-to-me-bot. Thank god Megan was home soon. I endured. They tried to make me go crazy, but I didn't. I'm a hero. I am definitely not afraid to fly that flag. A goddam hero! I was so exhausted. I don' t know how single moms do it. I reckon I have a new respect for them. Well, most of them anyways. The adventures will continue. What will happen next? Keanan gets a motorcycle? Megan has a new hat? Reagan builds a time machine and plagues the world throughout time? Who knows? That highway is ready. to travel.

Sunday, 13 January 2013

That Wall Is Showing Cracks

Look at a stone cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before.
Jacob August Riis

Day Two

6:16am. Keanan comes into my room and asks if he can go down and play on the PS3. I get up half groggy and say sure, then wait. I look at the time and wonder if he should go back to bed. Then I wonder what planet I am on. Keanan stands in the doorway waiting for my next reply. Ok. Go play. I fall back onto my pillow and issue a tiny prayer of, please let Reagan sleep for at least another hour.

6:39 I hear Reagan crying and stirring. Well, maybe if I leave her alone she'll go back to sleep. she keeps crying for 5 minutes. Fine. I will go in and get her and hopefully she will go back to sleep in my bed. I get up and stumble into her room and there is a horrible smell. She is huddled in the corner away from where she had thrown up. I pick her out of bed and stand her on the floor. "Mommy", "Daddy" I say as I unzip her pajamas. I pick her up and holder her to keep warm as we go to the bathroom so I can clean her up. Once clean I take her back to my bed and we lay down. "Mommy". "Nope I'm daddy." Neither of us go back to sleep, but I guess you could say we rested. I tried covering her, but she would just kick the blankets off. Fine. At about 7:30 she started to gag and cough. I leaned her over the bed, but she wouldn't puke. So, I took her towards the bathroom and she was sick on the way there. Not a lot. Cleaning her up I took her down stairs and dressed her leaving her with her brother. Back up stairs to clean up the mess and take the linens down to be washed. Great way to wake up. Is it not too bad now?

10:30. Coming in from a smoke Keanan cam up to me crying and holding out his hand. Apparently the new cat, Hanks was playing too rough and scratched Keanan. Reaching for the chef knife in the butchers block I asked him if he wanted me to cut of his hand to stop the pain. No, he said and laughed. As I put the knife away Reagan pointed at it and grunted. "no you can't have the knife." to which she replied, "Mommy" "No I am daddy and I will still not let you have the knife."

  Time. I am not sure, but it was before lunch. The runs started. 4 times before lunch I had to change her diaper along with every time I had to say, "No, daddy." Both children ate their lunches quietly. I tripped over a high chair and swore. Just before Reagan's nap I had to change her again. Keanan and I played football against each other. After I went up 17-0, he changed teams and played with me.

4:00....ish  Reagan had woken from her nap, "Mommy", "Daddy" I said. Keanan's mother shortly after picked him up and Miss Fuss and I were alone. Putting on the lasagna it was then off to Lowe's to get some drywall screws. Considering I haven't been able to find her other shoe in a day and a half Reagan had to ride with croc's on. It's nice out. At Lowe's we walked in and went to the cfl bulbs. While I was looking for soft white dimmable bulbs, Reagan was looking at carrying out cases of them. After we went to the hardware section and the screws. As I was looking and comparing Reagan was picking and dropping on the floor. When I was done she had crawled into the bottom shelf and was laughing and giving me the "devils smile" as I was on my hands and knees and could not reach her. She did come out when I asked her too. Knocking over everything in front of her as she came out. Clean up. Walking to the cash I picked up a Dewalt bit set as mine had gone missing. Reagan offered to carry it saying "heavy, heavy!" as she ran. Well, that was better than "Mommy." She enjoyed carrying out the other thing I bought then the other two things once they were put in a bag. I can't say what the two things are because they are a surprise for mommy. 

8:30?  Reagan to bed, now it is time to watch some playoff Packers and some Resident Evil 6 those buggers just deal with Zombies and 300lbs men chasing them down....lucky. soon to bed, hopefully until at least 7:30. Not so....babe...sure.


Saturday, 12 January 2013

It Won't Be So Bad

 Day One

 This weekend I have both the kids to myself. Megan is off to a hockey tournament in Huntsville. Keanan will just be asking a lot of questions and Reagan...well, Reagan is Reagan. I got off work early on Friday so I could drive Megan over to Kristen's  house so she could hitch a ride with a bunch of girls up to Huntsville. It was raining, but driving was still good, so that wasn't bad. We arrived at Kristen's and unloaded Meagan and her stuff, said our goodbyes and me and the kids were rolling back home. It's the weekend so I take Highway 2 home. A nice leisurely drive through Clarington to Oshawa. Nice and uneventful. The children are behaving.Just a lot of "Mommy" from the back. Not too bad. I unload Reagan and I notice Megan's purse in the back seat. Sigh. Taking out my phone I give her a call and off course she doesn't answer. Keanan Reagan and I enter the house. I was supposed to cook lasagna for dinner, but if I had to go back to Bomanville. Grabbing my iPod I search for Kristen number. Thank goodness for iTunes and Apple products all linked together.. First I phoned the land line. No answer. Then I phoned her cell. Kristen answered and I asked if they had left yet. When she said no, I asked to speak to Megan. Do you want your purse? I asked. She said yes. Then I said something nasty and said I was on my way then hung up. Great. a 15 minute extra drive with a child that could just be mad and scream all the way. Pocketing the iPod, I scooped up Reagan and told Keanan to come on let's go. I have put children's songs on my iPod to make the journeys in the van more pleasurable. Listening to childrens music all the while in the van is a small price to pay for your sanity of a non screaming child. Keanan is alright he will either fall asleep or read. At least the songs are catchy and all the while a little voice coming from the back, "Mommy". "I am daddy" says I. Not so bad.

  The drop off of the purse went quick. I was mad, but I would and will get over it. Back home I put the pizza in the oven and we ate dinner After dinner we watched TV and the Keanan and Reagan played mini hockey. I heard Keanan yell, "She's going to hit me!" I came out into the kitchen and he ran by me with Reagan in tow, stick raised over her head squealing. She would of hit him too and with great pleasure. As she ran by I plucked the stick from her hand and told her no hitting. She just toddled of into the from room. No skin off her back, she would wait patiently for another chance. Half an hour later I heard Keanan again screaming and giggling saying no, don't throw it. I walked into the hall and she had a ball cocked back with the devils smile on her face. Looking at me she said "Mommy". "Daddy" I corrected as I took the ball from her hand and spanked her away. 

  The rest of the night was uneventful. I put her pajamas on and read her a story. 
"No I'm daddy."
Laying her down for sleep I beat a hasty retreat out of her room, off with the lights and down the stairs. She fussed for about 15 to 20 minutes and then nothing. After my smoke I came into Keanan playing football on the PS3. I heard the announcer say safety and I laughed. He told me that he let them get a safety so they could play in overtime. There was 2 minutes left. What if they come down and score? Then I will go down and score. The raiders marched down the field and were ready to kick a field goal with 50 seconds left. Fortunately they missed. The Keanan came back up the field and I missed the field goal so it was on to overtime.We won it in overtime. Keanan isn't too good with the kicking so I do it. Keanan was put to bed then I put myself to bed at midnight. First night......not so bad.....

It was the noise Of ancient trees falling while all was still Before the storm, in the long interval Between the gathering clouds and that light breeze Which Germans call the Wind's bride.

Charles Godfrey Leland

Friday, 11 January 2013

The Top Ten...

  Nah. What do you need a "Top Ten" for? Is your life so abysmal that you need some hack to pump  out a top ten list? They never go anywhere. They have maybe three good points and the rest is filler. It should be a top three list, but who is going to read that? "That isn't a top anything list. We aren't going to listen to that guy. He can't even come up with ten ways why we should listen to him. Let's not listen to him. Who can tell us a top ten something? We need to be told what to do and put it in top ten form or we cannot understand it!" Ok. you asked for it.

The Top Ten Reasons Why You Are Stupid

10. Because you are. Let's face it if you need a top ten anything you are a creature of pop culture. Your brain has been annihilated. You can't do anything without the Television(TV) telling you what to do. You survive by what people tell you to do and feel. It is sickening really.

9. You drive stupidly. In my job I drive around all day. From subdivisions, main streets, and industrial sections I see it all. You don't signal and when you do, the right blinker is on and you turn left. You slow down when your talking on your cell phone. When you're in a parking lot you lose your mind. Driving 90 m/hr across all the spots, not watching for pedestrians and not parking within the lines.

8. You buy beer instead of food for your children

7. You pay too much attention to celebrities. Who cares where they have eaten or what jewelry they are wearing? They don't care about you. Most of the stuff they act in is crap anyways. How many impossible missions can there be? He survives every one. How "impossible" can it be? If we ignore them hopefully they will just go away.

6. Just because you have money and are famous doesn't mean you are right or we want to know your opinion. No vaccines do not cause autism. Drinking water from plastic bottles don't give you cancer. Who gave these people money and fame so that we have to listen to their crap? You are stupid for enabling them.

5. Just because these numbers are descending doesn't mean that any of them are more important then the other. I did not state at the beginning that one number is more important than the next. You figure it out. I can't do everything for you. Counting down is just cool.

4.  You don't have any kids.  Not the people that want kids, but can't have them for whatever reason. No, the people that are selfish and don't give your parents grandkids or cousins and the such. Who is going to come see you when you you are old and alone? You will be just alone. They are so cute when they are young and they love and need you. It  makes you feel wonderful to be loved and needed. Conversely, the ones that have too many kids and are neglected because you have too many or shouldn't have kids, I know it's trite, but close your legs. I have seen boxes of condoms in the dollar store. Use them.

3.  You whine that you are "the good guy" and that is why you don't have a girlfriend. No one cares. I am sure if you hear someone else complain about the same thing, you don't care. Good guys do get girls(though I think I am one of the dicks). Considering you probably aren't one of "the good guys" because you are lying about your feelings to the woman you desire. Good guys are not deceitful.

2.  I don't know. I think all my points are valid. There is no filler here. Ahhhh, good one you have got me there. Maybe there is hope for you yet. Hmmm? Probably not.

1.  If you have read any one of these reasons and have not understood any of them or think there is nothing wrong with doing any of them then you are Emperor Stupid.

Thursday, 10 January 2013

Nights Out When I was Younger.

 Youth. Full of vigor and know-it-all. Innocence and good spirits. Drunken mayhem. I reckon all of you have had your moments when it comes to alcohol. That weird first feeling you get when you approach drunkenness. The light head, the smile that easily appears on your face. The mischief you get up to. The horrible horrible mornings after of throbbing headaches. They are consoled though by nice greasy breakfasts filled with slow movements and lots of coffee. Just to start again Saturday night. There will be plenty of time to sleep it off on Sunday, but watch out if it is a long weekend, that Sunday gets pushed back to Monday. That's ok, though. The weekend is here Monday or Tuesday will look after and worry about that. Right now. It's time to go to the Pit or the Cottage, any bar, the Shack, the Party Barn, Let's get wasted.

  It was great to have somewhere to crash when you were up to no good. A bed to sleep in was even better. Melissa(Mike's girlfriend) had a cottage on pigeon lake near Bobcaygeon. For three summers in our teens it was like we lived there every weekend. At least that is how I remember it. We could arrive whenever. Usually on a Friday night, if not, Saturday for sure. We would sit around a fire and drink. Sit inside and drink. We all got along rather well so there wasn't fights or too many blow up. Just mayhem, especially if some one was sober enough to drive. Sober enough meant you didn't have anything to drink. The odd time we would walk. I am more apposed to this now then I was way back then. One night we walked a couple of miles to a golf course. The next day the cottage was adorned with two flags. One from the sixth hole and the other from the ninth hole. We also liked to go into town at two in the morning to get something to eat. The only place that was open was Tim Horton's . We would get sandwiches and coffee. Coffee was a good choice I think. What better way to end the night is to drink a stimulant so you can stay awake longer to drink? While ordering my food I would pull down the back of my pants so that only my friend and the people behind me could see. They would snicker at my bare ass. I don't know why it was so funny. Wait. Yes I do. Live bum is always funny.

We used to frequent bars a lot when we were young. We all lived in the country, so we had to drive a ways to hit the bars. This also meant that one of us had to stay sober. It was rarely me. This may sound odd, but at first we went to bars to dance. Yes dance. Of course we would drink too, but dancing was also a big part. There was something about hearing a great song at an almost ear splitting volume. It made you move your feet, with arms and body soon following, jumping up and down like a tribesmen. Then it moved to just drinking. I have gotten into a little trouble whilst drinking. No fights though. That was left to Steve and Mike. I have been thrown out of the same strip joint in Whitby twice. It was a hot summer Friday and we had just gotten off work. We went to the Lion and the Unicorn to eat and drink some sweet beverages. During my meal I downed two pitchers of ale. Smoking and finishing our drinks on the patio someone(probably me) suggested that we go to the Royle, the local strippers. All in agreement, we set off. Once in to this...interesting establishment we procured some more tasty beverages and sat right up front of the stage. We must of pissed off some of the strippers because we barely acknowledged their existence talking rather loudly. That is about all I could remember until one of my mates tapped me and said, "wake up, Jer. They're gonna throw you out." Apparently I had fallen asleep in the front row facing the stage. Sure enough one of the Bouncers came over and asked me to leave. The poor girl on the stage. No one was watching you. That had to damage her self esteem. Or maybe it was that I was asleep and couldn't buy anymore drinks. Whichever. I will save the other time I was kicked out for another time. Maybe when I can piece it together.

  Mainly it would be just silliness and a little petty theft. Silliness like, drinking at the Royal York in Lindsay. When we were leaving we were all hungry so we thought we would hit McDonald's. I wanted a Mcflurry. We sauntered in. When it was my turn in the queue I walked up and ordered a plain Mcflurry. Plain? A plain Mcflurry would consist of just vanilla ice cream. Why not just order a sundae? It would of been cheaper. So they gave me my plain Mcflurry. Probably thinking drunk idiot. Oh, they haven't seen anything yet. After receiving my Mcflurry I turned to my friends and other patrons and asked, "would Superman eat this?" Turning to the McDonald employees, "Would he?" Then spun, waltzed out of there not even looking back. On the way back to the van I thought it would be hilarious to climb the fence and shake it violently. My friends coaxed me down and we were on our way home. Superman wouldn't of eaten it because it just stayed in the cup holder all the way home.

  One night after drinking in a bar in Lindsay we went to the Country Style to drink some coffee and smoke. Mike and I were drinking at the bar while Steve stayed sober to ferry us around. In the donut shop Mike and I drank our coffee and talked up Steve that he was the drunkest of us all and we bragged that he was driving us all home. We left there and were off to the gas station. Steve fueled up and Mike and I went into the store to get some snacks. When we emerged from the store two cruisers had boxed Steve's car in and were administering him a breathalyser test. He passed. He had not touched a drop. The cops then turned to Mike and asked if he was driving. "no." Mike said as he slid into the passenger seat. "You?" they had pointed at me. "Nope." I said with a faint grin and climbed into the back seat. They let us go. We never thought anyone was going to phone the cops on us because we knew Steve wasn't drunk and well...we were drunk. So they phoned us in. Good for them and we laughed about it all the way home.

  I am not sure how to end this. These are definitely not all the stories or how many adventures we had. I guess i would have a whole book if I did that. Maybe more will come, when I remember them. I remember waking up with cracked ribs, but not too sure on how I got them. Some adventures were with or in cars and pissing off friends. Don't worry they are still friends today. Yah, that is enough for now.