Friday, 11 January 2013

The Top Ten...

  Nah. What do you need a "Top Ten" for? Is your life so abysmal that you need some hack to pump  out a top ten list? They never go anywhere. They have maybe three good points and the rest is filler. It should be a top three list, but who is going to read that? "That isn't a top anything list. We aren't going to listen to that guy. He can't even come up with ten ways why we should listen to him. Let's not listen to him. Who can tell us a top ten something? We need to be told what to do and put it in top ten form or we cannot understand it!" Ok. you asked for it.

The Top Ten Reasons Why You Are Stupid

10. Because you are. Let's face it if you need a top ten anything you are a creature of pop culture. Your brain has been annihilated. You can't do anything without the Television(TV) telling you what to do. You survive by what people tell you to do and feel. It is sickening really.

9. You drive stupidly. In my job I drive around all day. From subdivisions, main streets, and industrial sections I see it all. You don't signal and when you do, the right blinker is on and you turn left. You slow down when your talking on your cell phone. When you're in a parking lot you lose your mind. Driving 90 m/hr across all the spots, not watching for pedestrians and not parking within the lines.

8. You buy beer instead of food for your children

7. You pay too much attention to celebrities. Who cares where they have eaten or what jewelry they are wearing? They don't care about you. Most of the stuff they act in is crap anyways. How many impossible missions can there be? He survives every one. How "impossible" can it be? If we ignore them hopefully they will just go away.

6. Just because you have money and are famous doesn't mean you are right or we want to know your opinion. No vaccines do not cause autism. Drinking water from plastic bottles don't give you cancer. Who gave these people money and fame so that we have to listen to their crap? You are stupid for enabling them.

5. Just because these numbers are descending doesn't mean that any of them are more important then the other. I did not state at the beginning that one number is more important than the next. You figure it out. I can't do everything for you. Counting down is just cool.

4.  You don't have any kids.  Not the people that want kids, but can't have them for whatever reason. No, the people that are selfish and don't give your parents grandkids or cousins and the such. Who is going to come see you when you you are old and alone? You will be just alone. They are so cute when they are young and they love and need you. It  makes you feel wonderful to be loved and needed. Conversely, the ones that have too many kids and are neglected because you have too many or shouldn't have kids, I know it's trite, but close your legs. I have seen boxes of condoms in the dollar store. Use them.

3.  You whine that you are "the good guy" and that is why you don't have a girlfriend. No one cares. I am sure if you hear someone else complain about the same thing, you don't care. Good guys do get girls(though I think I am one of the dicks). Considering you probably aren't one of "the good guys" because you are lying about your feelings to the woman you desire. Good guys are not deceitful.

2.  I don't know. I think all my points are valid. There is no filler here. Ahhhh, good one you have got me there. Maybe there is hope for you yet. Hmmm? Probably not.

1.  If you have read any one of these reasons and have not understood any of them or think there is nothing wrong with doing any of them then you are Emperor Stupid.

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