Sunday, 14 October 2012

In Accordance With My Prison Release

 No, not really. I have never been to prison and never want to. Actually that isn't true. I have been to Warkworth Penitentiary, but just to locate telephone cables and gas services. It was quite interesting. Of course I had to have ID and two guards had to escort me around to protect me just in case anyone was going to or wanted to "shank" me and maybe see if I wasn't bringing in contraband or trying to "spring" anyone. Ha! Yah, Jeremy Magee Prisoner Liberator or heroin mule. I think not. The guards at the front gate said if I am not out by noon the place goes into lock-down for an hour where no one can get in or out. Great. If that happens, I will come out with a tattoo and maybe a fear of the outside world after my spell in the "big clink". Unsure how to get along in the free world. Needless to say I was out well before noon. One of the contractors that was there walking around outside of the penitentiary with me said make sure you locate the cables right on because the inmates will go nuts if they don't have their TV. Really? TV? Those
 pricks are in jail for breaking whatever law they broke and they get TV all day? I have an HD antenna. Free TV. We didn't want to pay cable and satellite for garbage programming. The HD antenna is great. I only really miss TSN. But these inmates get cable. Such is Life in a Federal Prison.

 Never. Never would I do something that would end me up in jail. I enjoy doing whatever I please whenever I please. Like right now I could go out to the store and get some smokes or buy some lottery tickets. Go to bed in my comfy big bed, go to a baseball game, watch my son and daughter in whatever misadventure they have gotten me into and not go to the bathroom where everyone can watch. Maybe I can understand a crime of passion, where you lose your mind for a bit, but not think, "Hey . I'm going to knock over a bank." and think that is a great idea. No. No it is not. Baking biscuits for a snack is a good idea. Baking up some Meth isn't one.

 Standing before his parole board, Jeremy trembled a little inside. Showing fear could be mistaken for lying or being deceptive. He had answered all the questions put to him honestly and thought things were going to turn out well. He hoped. Putting your fate into someone else's hands was hard. You didn't know what or how they were thinking. If they believed you, had a bad day or just didn't like your face. He knew they had come to their decision when their heads pulled apart and their gazed leveled upon him. "You are granted parole and you must meet these condition whilst on parole." The one in the middle looked at me square and said,

"First, You have to stay away and not watch any reality shows".


 "Second, You must write a blog, at least twice a week."


 "And third. You must enjoy your family and do your best to stay happy."

Done. This was going to be easy.

1 comment:

  1. haha very interesting type of posts you got on this blog - i like your writing style. very cool