Sunday, 7 October 2012

Try Really Hard Not To Come Up With Long Titles

 Have you ever been to an Ape Ghetto? Is there burnt out trees? Banana peels all over the place? A silverback passed out on the forest floor with a paper bag lying beside him? If you walk through are you mugged? I doubt it. You'd probably be killed or worse, maybe a silverback would capture you and pimp you out. When you don't bring enough bananas to him does he beat his chest and fling poop at you? A little derogatory, but what else do you do when you have fallen off Mt.Crazy and are still falling? Too many questions, but I don't think they will stop even if I could stop them.

 It's Sunday and the toaster has ran away. Why? I dunno. Maybe he is mad that I don't take him into the tub with me. He's too shiny. I don't like his blue eyes staring me down and that scruffy face, he should know I have a razor . Lazy prick. And why does he get naked too to get into the tub. I enjoy taking my other buddies in to the tub, Crabberfish and Octerpuss. Other than that, Sunday was a good day. The sun started showering diamonds by mid afternoon. They weren't my colour, but I am sure other people enjoyed them. After that things started to settle down, the walrus's started their lengthy migration south. I knew this because a lot of them had sunglasses and those long fold up chairs on their back. The spaceship from Lokid came swooping by and asked if I wanted a ride. I politely declined, but inquired about Friday. They said sure and off they sped. Typical Sunday.

 Sometimes if it gets hot enough I will eat cheeseburgers on a beach towel in my living room whilst watching Life On Mars. It's a good show. Looking out the window I see Cliff the double corned unicorn. Which would be a dicorn? Cliff is chasing the cat again. Running to the front door I yell, "Cliff! Get away from Sanford!" Mrs Grundy from across the road stares at me and drops her broom, sweeping done for the day I guess. Cliff puts down the cat and floats away on his cloud with rainbows firing out of it. Turning around I notice it is a little bit chilly. No pants . No shirt. No hat. Dammit. That's what Mrs Grundy is gaping at. I had forgot to wear a hat. Striding across the road she seems a little agitated. Letting out a tiny squeak, Mrs Grundy darts inside. I stop and wonder why she has ran away. Oh, it must be the cookies she is going to make me. "I will wait for you inside! Mmm. I can't wait." Then I remembered I did not have a hat on and scurried back inside. "No hat. You are quite the perv." I chuckled to myself.

 Tree's whipped by me like grey poles thrown into the ground by a giant called Earl. Earl had done this last week so fear not that he is doing it today. He usually throws ice cream tubs. As fun as that sounds they really hurt. It killed me twice last week and broke five of my legs. The good ones too. I usually don't run. It makes me cough and I am not very fast, but I was looking for something. Was it my memory? No. That is always there. Pulling up, the trees quickly gave way to short grass. Not that short though, probably twelve inches making the field one large verdant pond. Jogging to a halt I could see what I was looking for. Sitting on a log one hundred yards from me, chittering. Using some language that I did not understand and probably dead for hundreds of years. Standing there I wasn't sure how to approach it. Long have I chased this demon never reaching it until now. Fear struck rigamortis upon my legs. The dark black thing scared me, but it had taken something I needed. Twitching it turned it's black eyes upon me. I had to move now. I couldn't say it smiled, but it did. A fiery rictus if I had ever seen one. With that it was off, scurrying away on all fours. I lost it, screaming. "Squirrel! Give me back that sanity! It is the last of what I had!"

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